After a few consecutive nights of staying up late, eating lots of junk food and heavy drinking, I'm sitting at work with no more fatigue than is normal for a Monday. I partied like a rockstar for my 30th birthday and recovered surprisingly well. I'm proud of myself. I guess this getting older thing is not nearly as bad as I imagined!
Of course, a birthday simply is the passage of a milestone date on the calendar — it doesn't mean things will change suddenly like with an accident or light switch.
I weigh about the same and wear the same dress size as I did when I turned 20, so physically, I haven't changed too much if I were to look at photos of myself ten years ago verses today. I know I look more mature, (I keep noticing more fine lines on my face!), but not necessarily old. I wonder if ten years from now when I turn 40, will I still be able to wear things from my 30-year-old self's closet?
I've lost about 10 pounds since the start of the year, which feels fantastic. It's only a slight change and basically, I kind of feel like I'm back to a "normal" weight, which isn't exactly thin. Still, it's nice to see numbers on the scale decrease after several years — yes, years — of not being able to lose weight consistently. Now, I'd like to see myself lose another 5 to 10 pounds.
In the past decade, my weight has gone up and down. I graduated from college and earned a master's degree. I moved like eight times, lived in six different states, and worked at about as many newspapers as I have fingers. I fell in love and experienced two severe heartbreaks, and here I am, just as single as when I was 20.
I always say that I hate getting older, but I love birthdays. They provide a reason to celebrate and frankly, gets lots of attention even from strangers. People sang me happy birthday at mass on Sunday! At the end of the service, the priest asked if anyone was having a birthday and I raised my hand, he asked my name, and lo and behold, the pianist started playing Happy Birthday. It was pretty funny, but also made me feel really special. I let myself enjoy the moment as silly as it was.
Also this weekend, one of my roommates baked me a chocolate cake. Another friend bought a bottle of sparkling wine that made for an impromptu toast. When it came time for me to blow out the candles, I had a hard time focusing on making a wish. There are so many things I want in life, not one seemed to rise to the top, but I felt content in that moment.
I do hope this decade is one of major changes. I hope that by time I reach 40, I will have a family of my own, a completely different lifestyle (as in living with a partner and kids in a house), and a published book!
I don't like the term "settling down," because to me life involves a constant flow of movements and changes, hopefully all in a positive direction. I want my life to evolve — not settle into some pattern of predictability and false sense of security.
Another year, another decade, another shot at living life as best I can. So here's my wish for the future: to keep going and keep pushing myself to be a better person.
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