Consolations

I'm still sad that Amy Winehouse (pictured above), died last weekend at age 27. Many people reacted to her death saying, "Is it a surprise? No! She was a train wreck!"
I'm appalled by such dismissive attitudes. A death doesn't have to be shocking to be unfortunate and tragic. She was young. She was talented. She never seemed to be able to conquer her demons.
Of course, I'm sad! 
I've been thinking of Amy and the many beliefs or truisms I've been questioning lately. I think it's easy to blame what we cannot control for the crappy things that happen in our lives, but to me, that's a cop-out.
Life is it what it is. It's up to you to make the most of it.
I'm most disappointed with myself when I fail to do the best I can. I'm not perfect and I don't always push myself as hard as I should, so therefore, I've dealt with a lot of disappointment in my life. Then there are events or situations that are disappointing even if I didn't cause them.
Juan sent me a text today saying that he didn't think he was the best partner for me and that he feels like timing was against us. Well, if the first part is true, then what does timing have to do with anything? Also, blaming timing is like blaming the weather — you're just masking or deflecting from the truth.Why do people discuss the weather? Because they don't have anything real to say or want to say anything real.
And as far as the "best partner" reference, I sadly would have to agree. The best partner for me is someone who is not going to give up on me and will consistently love me, which of course, he wasn't willing to do.
My relationship with him did, however, teach me a myriad of lessons — many of which I'm still uncovering.
The lessons are my consolations. Here's some things I hope to never do again in my life:

• Avoiding conflict by avoiding difficult communication. If it hurts to ask, you better ask before it gets worse. 
• Not working harder to constantly improve on the three basic rules of a relationship: communication, communication, communication. There are more rules, but it all starts with being able to communicate.
• Letting hard feelings fester until it's too late. Like wounds, hurt feelings can grow far worse if you don't treat them right away. 
• Forgiving someone for the same thing or similar things over and over and expecting them to change. At some point, you have to cut them loose if they are not willing to correct their behavior for good. 
• Making decisions based on fear instead basing them on accomplishing a goal. Always ask, are you reacting or moving forward?
• Forgetting to love, respect and honor myself for the sake of someone else. Just like in all aspects of life, you need balance.
• Losing sight of what matters most to me: God, family, honesty, integrity, love, respect, progress, faith, hope. 
• Forgetting to hold myself accountable for my actions. I made too many choices without fully considering the consequences. 
• Failing to establish a clear direction for the relationship. Always have a gameplan, even if you don't stick to it.

And, the final consolation: I still have me. And God. And my family.
For that, and the many lessons I've learned, I'm grateful.
And, as Amy wrote and sang, My tears dry on their own.
Hope you found your heaven, Amy. You are missed.