Thursday, November 06, 2014

Two months in

I started my new job about two months ago and while so far, things are going well, I have had moments of thinking I might have made a colossal mistake. Those moments are fleeting, like mini panic attacks. Not only did I switch jobs, I also changed cities and am still waiting for Ramon to move here. I didn't plan on us having a commuter marriage. I'm impressed at how well we've managed. I've been able to travel to see him three times now and have more trips coming up. We're also hoping he can spend a week here later this month.
Of course, none of that is the same as being together full time. It's like I get a break from being married during the week, but I don't want a break! 
I've asked myself, Ok, let's say you made a mistake, now what? Is it the end of your life? No, of course not. I've had to pull out some of those motivational sayings that are supposed to be profound, like "Grow where you're planted," and "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I recognize my situation isn't ideal, but I'm sure feeling sorry for myself would only make things worse. Fear of missing out on the ideal life is powerful, however. 
What I dislike most is feeling like I'm missing out on spending time with Ramon. I guess that means I married the right person. Yes, my life could definitely be worse. 

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