Thursday, February 05, 2015

Numbers don't lie or do they?

I weighed myself today after months of not stepping on a scale. My personal scale is in still in a box in California, so I have to pad over to my sister's bathroom to use one, so for months I blissfully went about my day not even thinking about what a scale would tell me. The truth is, I didn't really want to know. I have been rather liberal with food choices and portion sizes ever since the wedding. I was definitely feeling the weight gain when my pants fit tighter, certain dresses just didn't flatter me anymore and noticing the largesse of my thighs.
But, two months ago I joined Bar Method and started working out more consistently. I'm seeing muscle tone throughout my body from my hamstrings to my deltoids. My stomach, still pudgy, feels firmer. My clothes are no longer compressing my chubby areas. So, it was with some hope that I stepped on the scale feeling like the numbers would show some good news. Nope. I am at my high weight -- a good seven pounds above where I was when I got married.
The number disappointed me. It means that despite my effort, I'm not quite pushing myself hard enough. I'm losing inches, but not pounds. I want both, darn it! I worry about weight gain for a number of reasons: vanity and health concerns being the top ones (I come from a family of diabetics after all). But there's also a part of me that just wants to lose weight to see if I can -- to prove to myself that I have the willpower to change my body. I have been working out, but clearly, my diet needs some work. Most likely, I probably need more discipline about food. I have to say no to the cupcakes. But I love cupcakes! You see, the dilemma continues. My struggle is real, yo.
I want my sense of accomplishment to be bigger than my thighs. I want to feel confident in a bath suit for my upcoming Hawaii. If numbers don't lie, then I need to get subtraction going. Less is more!

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